I am in constant battle with worry. It sometimes consumes me. I worry about silly things; I worry about big things. I worry that I left the straightening iron on and sometimes have to turn around half-way to our destination to go back and double check. (Scott can attest to that one. It's always turned off.) I worry that Cooper will grow up to be a convict. I worry about when the kids will get their driver's license. I worry that I have offended someone by something I said. I worry about speaking in public. I worry that I worry too much and, as my mother always tells me, will ruin my health.
I know, I'm being silly. There is a seriousness to this ridiculous behavior of mine, though. Haven't I been told not to worry? Yes! And by a higher power than my mother, bless her heart. So why do I? Why shouldn't I?
I was visiting my parents' house this past weekend and came upon on of my Mamaw's (Dad's mom) calendars that she kept. It was one of those daily inspirational calendars. Anyway, as I was flipping through it, I found a page that had Phil 4:6. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, present your requests to God." And under that read: "Connie Mack's favorite." That would be my Daddy. Yes, these words are good.
My dear Nana (mom's mother) gave me a slip of paper when I was Abby's age, on which she typed (she was a legal secretary and always a consummate professional) Phil 4:13. I keep it by my bed, take it with me on trips, and have always considered it to be my favorite. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Those words held fast to my Nana's heart, as they do to mine.
Recently, my heart has been taken captive by Jesus' words to us in Luke. I usually go to Matthew for this particular lesson (I learn by repetition), but after reading in Luke, I have come to an even deeper understanding of what God wants me to see. I love the last words He leaves for us here: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Whatever I do, wherever my mind is occupied -- that's what will fill my heart. I want to have a whole heart and to whole-heartedly commit myself to what God has planned for me. I have to surrender my fears, doubts, and reservations over to Him and allow Him to place my heart where He wants it. That, for me, is hard to do. I need those words daily. To me, that verse says more than "Do not worry." It says, "If your heart is in the right place, there is no need to worry."
Ah, now I get it. But can I do it?
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5 comments:
Good stuff Mandy, thanks for posting.
Great post.
I know what you mean. Worrying and mothering go hand in hand it seems. I have also learned to follow "the what if" questions with "then I will.." answers. Like "what if Coop is a convict....then I will love him anyway and pray for his very soul daily, visit him on weekends and realize at some point, my children's decisions are their own doing, and what a great testimony for other parents with convicts that unconditional love is possible." See, doesn't seem so bad.:)
awe, shucks...Actually, with the whole hair straightener thing, I think I have a touch of OCD...
I like honest writing. I worry too much, too. Even a little worring is too much, I guess, if we take Jesus' words to heart. I hope your kid doesn't grow up to be a convict, too. However, Moses and Jesus were convicts, too. So.... who knows??????
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